A recent Reddit post asked users to describe what would they do if every human vanished but you? I began to answer the question straight forwardly enough and then began relating the experiences of my last year. On second thought I decided the full extent of my answer would be better posted here.
I would travel into the sunshine, and gradually accumulate to the realism of a new way of life that would relieve me of this compulsion that I always have to be moving, industrious, creating some ‘other’ to (hopefully) better the world and then solve. I would spend my days on beaches and sunshine, learn to cook by campfire, and return to the heights of the skyscraper apartments when I tire of that, counting Paris and Rome as my first top destinations.
I would travel the world one beach at a time, pressing my way into absorbing cultural cities and spiritual sights and try to learn what the world was for all the duration of the time that it has existed. A strange quirk about me is that I love most deeply the people production of culture and history and society. It’s only within the thronge of competition crush that the impulses to build rockets and go to space excite within me. Most of my time I would simply rather live one day at a time in love and singing out songs that feel commiserate to the nature of the human experience I see and feel around me. Not sure how this would change were I to know I would be along for the rest of time. I would never choose that direction if I had to.
I would need to originate a spiritual question to give my life purpose, and I decided on a run earlier today that it would probably be this; to answer what it would mean for me to be my own father. (And a woman her own mother.) It’s very transfixing for me. It dawned on me several mothers ago watching… what was it… oh! Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again. I couldn’t for the life of me understand what I was searching for when I was watching that movie, because it felt so powerful. It was far beyond the prettiness of the scenes (that color blue..) and the lush visuals of this story of a woman navigating her way through romance and connection. It was very intuitively womanly and because the whole thing unravels a storytelling device within the context of a woman in loving adornment of her mother, what the viewer experiences is this lovely moment of intuitive beauty of the deepest sensations of a woman’s inner experiences deciding who to become a mother with. It’s gorgeously lush and lovingly musical and charged with erotic energy to the powers of love and immersions of love (not to pun a production safe); the only song that comes close is Taylor Swift’s You Are In Love. But you’re feeling this heavenly want while this woman is searching for herself, which is the question of life itself.
So, anyway, they totally bungle the storytelling by making it a passionate search with three different lovers, cementing this kind of false dichotomy (trichotomy?) of not realizing this new inner reality with one partner in entirety and consumption, which is sad and sets her up to end up alone because this movie is an unfired gun of a hidden Catholic Mother Mary story.
So I pivoted away from that and pretty quickly found myself absorbed by Captain Marvel and its lead actress Brie Larson. I no longer believe in a sub-conscious and the mythic works of Joseph Campbell and asked myself deeper questions about the human experience knowing that our humanity most certainly identified aspects of our most vital reality without necessarily communicating that back to ourselves as knowledge or observation, and our species probably developed culture to innately acknowledge that for peaceful purposes in our culture. In other words, our minds and sensory actions would be overloaded with observations we deem as risks of special (as in, species-ial) and totally unobservant to the overwhelmingly vast peaceful corridors and networks within the collective human experience and social embodiment of culture. Which is a too intellectual way of saying: when you come to a ledge, you leap. Courage in the presence of fear is the deepest humanity. So as I rolled this around in my head I found myself fascinated by the Captain Marvel story because of how engrossed and passionate her story is holding space for her audience and her reverence for this narrative. Since Captain Marvel is a myth (superhero) movie and an action movie, the separability of the actor from the vehicle is understood by the audience like a driver from an automobile; the mind doesn’t misbelieve that the driver and vehicle are one. So the storytelling device of both empower and a mother makes it a motherhood.
But then I started seeing what was happening and changing in the world and became very alarmed. It felt increasingly like that narrative was becoming washed out from underneath, and the chaos and political upheaval of the pandemic and the mid-summer had almost certainly accelerated the forces that were undermining the narrative and vehicle itself. And somehow I felt this voice as if thousands or millions of women were never going to be able to situationally navigate themselves into a position and place in life where they were having children and having this experience of womanly empowerment and mother sense, and I felt weak. I felt this intense compassion for the lead actress for taking on this role because I had developed a sense that she must have sacrificed quite a lot of her own motherness to be the totem of the women of the motherhood, and, authentically and surprisingly, I think I fell in love.
A kid today might say that I would use my fortress of solitude to simp on Brie Larson. But it really is making a discovery to who I am within the larger world that I would later discover its answer; and that’s how love happens in this world. And that is the story of discovering what the source of mythic fatherhood is to a man; and then once you have that you do whatever it takes to see it though, and we are fortunate to live in a country and a species that will align the step-stones of cultural society seen and unseen towards that pursuit; because that pursuit is the most peaceful and productive pursuit, longest vision and most investing in our well-being and education pursuit, and must axiomatically be the most innate experience of humanity, of living experience of being human in the presence of other humans being. Love.
It just wouldn’t work alone.
Because she is so passionate and clear minded in her pursuit of the good and the better, not just for woman but herself. And I admire that deeply in her. It is very attractive. It reminds me of what this life insurance salesman said who approached me in an airport breakfast spot in London last December on my way back to the states; I thought it was a story about him selling me life insurance but he ended the conversation with a picture of his wife and her inner beauty, which he was imploring me to take notice of, desperately.
The events of the year have been very traumatic for some and very difficult for many, and changed my fundamental understanding of how our society has architected a matrix over top of our more primal and peaceful human nature, a work of brilliant architects of the furies of the analytic mind, a matrix that must be taken apart; and so thoroughly dismantled for its mistakes. But I have reflected on his fear for his daughter and his wife, and how, months to weeks before the pandemic was to become publicly known, he was — or at least I felt — distraught in his soul about her and their safety. It was months and months later that I began to see the true horrors of the pandemic across the schism of human nature and bureaucracy and the matrix and the origin of his fear.
It was an inner beauty that I felt out of concordance with the reality of the public notions and realities of the world we truly live our lives within. It was then and holding on to the light of the inner beauty that I knew what I had to do. It felt like storming the gates at first, which I didn’t want to do, but as I worked diligently towards communicating the rationale for the changes that needed to be made elsewhere in the world, the more I found the strange threads of connectivity that connected to the inner beauty began to grow. I was as surprised as I would be if I jumped off a cliff and found that my suits had the ability to fly of if my culottes were parachutes; which is a way of saying I didn’t ever know that it was going to work but things kept getting better all the time, even if the events and the outcomes that led to that getting better were unintuitive, counter-intuitive, or unknown.
And that is the true power; the power with which we are granted and can be trusted with because of the power we give away, and the power of love. That is the real light of inner beauty we all see. And like love, or making babies, or finding our enlightenment:
It just wouldn’t work alone.
It goes without saying that Captain Marvel, and probably Brie Larson, though I won’t claim to have met her, could probably, for reasons narrative, character development, and personal preferences, could find all three of those qualities in one man, without the need for fracturing the myth into a bad game of chicken Tenet. Because America. ;-) -DB